Times (Norway X Reader)

I can’t stop thinking about you. If I told you that I missed you, would you tell me that you felt the same way? Would you even listen, pick up the phone? I don’t know anymore… I know that couples fight, it happens. I wish it could just have been an argument over something meaningless, like what kind of milk to buy, but it couldn’t, it just had to be a big one, it just had to be blown out of proportions, I just had to be unreasonable…

For a brief moment I considered calling you, but I quickly pushed away the thought. I can’t. But why not, really? Someone had to take the first step, it couldn’t all be over because of just one fight, it couldn’t, but what if it was? I have to talk to you. I picked up my phone from the nightstand. 02:06. Pausing for a moment, I thought for a little while. There was no way I could call you at this time, you were probably sleeping right now… Somewhere far away from me. Too far away. I wondered if you had as much trouble falling asleep as I had at the moment, probably not, but I wished that you did. I wished that you weren’t sleeping right now, that you would be the one to pick up the phone and call, since I was apparently too much of a coward.

Lukas' POV

03:27. I still wasn’t sleeping; I hadn’t slept yet all night, I didn’t sleep last night either. This had to be at least the 25^th time tonight I had checked to see if I had accidentally put my phone on silent, I hadn’t. I desperately wanted you to call, even though it was in the middle of the night and you were probably sleeping.

I don’t remember the last time I felt this alone. Sleeping had proved itself to be near impossible without you with me. Never before had I truly noticed how many cracks there were in the ceiling of Mathias’ living room. One or two of them might have caught my attention in the past, but now I felt as though I was familiar with them all. Out of sheer desperation I tried to count them, I had to think of something else, I just had too. There was a single crack all alone in the corner of the ceiling, not another one anywhere near it, and for some reason I felt awfully bad for it. I sympathised with the lonely crack in the ceiling, it was just like me, all alone, lost.

That was the moment I decided that if you weren’t going to call me, then I would just have to suck it up and call you. Quickly, before I could regret my decision, I picked up my phone and dialled your number, but I didn’t press the call button. I couldn’t do it. What if you wanted nothing to do with me anymore?

No, that was ridiculous…right? It was just a fight. You wouldn’t want to actually end it because of that, would you? Doubt kept creeping up on me, and the thoughts it brought with it soon forced me to place the phone back on the coffee table.

The digital clock stared at me from the other side of the room, the two blinking dots marked every second that passed, mocking my misery. I counted the blinking for a while. 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds…15 seconds… But soon my mind started wandering to other places.

I couldn’t help but think how the dots were almost like eyes, looking at me from their place on the windowsill. Small red eyes, that blinked once per second, having the unfortunate destiny of being meant to count the passing time for those who couldn’t do it themselves. However, as repetitive and monotonous as the task seemed, I couldn’t help but to envy them, at least they knew what their purpose in life was, where they were meant to be.

Maybe it was just the lack of sleep and my broken heart that was controlling my thoughts, but I felt as though I had lost just that; the place I was meant to be. I desperately wanted to tell myself that it wasn’t true, that I was just being overly dramatic, overthinking, but how could I really be sure? For once one of my questions had a simple answer; I couldn’t. Not without talking to you anyway, but would you even want to talk to me?

Your POV

It was so dreadfully cold and lonely in the bed. The bed that had been bought, and meant, for two, for us. Now it was only me, and it almost felt as though even the bed knew something was missing, in the way it creaked and moaned when I moved, calling for another person to join. I had never noticed it making much noise before, but I guess my thoughts had been elsewhere.

Now, though, as you weren’t there to make me feel safe and warm in the chilly February morning, I had to make do with the heat provided for me by the blankets that I had wrapped myself in, but it wasn’t enough. I had a feeling that even if I grabbed another one, I would still be cold, this felt like the kind of coldness that traditional warmth couldn’t cure. It felt as though I could light up a bonfire, sit right next to it, and still be cold. Is this how heartbreak feels?

I laid there, in the cold and too empty bed, remembering the last few sentences we had spoken to each other, they kept playing over and over again, sometimes I tried to silence them, tell them that I needed sleep, but I knew that even if they went away, sleep wouldn’t come anytime soon.

“I need to get away from this.” The words had been spoken with such anger that I hadn’t been able to find it in myself to protest, now I wish I had, but it was too late now, there was nothing I could do, was there? Except I knew there was, I could call you, talk to you, ask you to come home again, say I missed you. For a brief moment I really believed I could do it, and that everything would be okay, but as I started to press the familiar numbers on my phone, the doubt returned. Maybe I should just leave you alone, you hadn’t sounded as though you wanted anything to do with me anytime soon as you had spoken those words, and I did not want to risk making you even more angry or annoyed with me. I’m sorry, Lukas, I’ll leave you alone, just like you want me to.

Lukas' POV

“Then stay away.” The words resounded in my head, the words you had so angrily spoken as I had closed the door, but the words hadn’t just been angry, for anyone else, one who did not know you as I did, it might have seemed so, but I could hear the tears that threatened to spill as you had spoken. As I laid there I wished that I had disregarded your words and reopened the door, but I had been too stupid and angry to do so. I wished I hadn’t left you to cry alone, because I knew that that had happened after I left, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if I would have been able to see the first tear roll down your cheek, if only I had bothered to turn around and look at you as I had told you I needed to get away.

07:21. I pressed the call button. It was silent for a few seconds, and I was scared that you wouldn’t pick up, that you would see that it was me who was calling and simply decide to ignore the call. “Hello?” But you didn’t ignore it, and as I heard your tired, yet hopeful, voice, I knew that your nights had been just as sleepless and full of regret as mine, and I couldn’t help but smile, even if it was just a little bit, because maybe there really still was hope, maybe this wasn’t over, and maybe, just maybe, I would be in our bed again tonight with you, actually sleeping.